Dear Michael -

In writing to you, I'm assuming that my name will stay completely confidential, of course.  I would not want this email (or any related email) and my name to leak out together into the internet.  I'm 99.999% sure that
you're sensitive and supportive of that need, but if that's not accurate please completely delete this email before you read any further.

I'm writing to ask if you have any advice on how to change a bad habit I have about one part of my "intimate behavior".  I'm using a euphemism there to hopefully avoid any spam filters.

When I was a younger man, in my late teens, I would find that my "release" would come too quickly, leaving my partner a bit dismayed.  I found that if I thought could add thoughts about other things (work, television shows,
etc.) that my release didn't arrive so soon and I could satisfy my partner before culminating my part in the intimate process.  That experiment became a habit and is quite automatic now.

Now that I am a few decades older, that habit is getting in the way.  First, it takes me away from my partner.  I'm no longer 100% with the other person and I do sense that there is not a full emotional and spiritual intimacy when this habit kicks in.  Second, being a bit older, I no longer need assistance in delaying my release.  In fact, this habit is now sometimes preventing me from getting that release.

There are times when I can suppress this old habit, but it is not wanting to go away easily.  When I can, I definitely feel that the intimacy is greater for both my partner and me.

If you have any ideas on how to let go of that old habit, I'd love to hear them.  Also, perhaps you could give a word of warning to the younger men that this isn't a good habit to cultivate.

Thanks.

Anonymous
 

Dear Anonymous -

You have two issues going on here.  You have the thoughts/images that are distracting you but you also have the physical change in your body.

The easier one to deal with is the physical change.  You can find creams or lotions that make you more sensitive, therefore more able to enjoy the sensations and come to orgasm.  Even the basic lubricant can help you achieve greater pleasure.

As far as the thoughts in your head you can practice alone by masturbating and doing your best to completely control your thoughts. Over time, you will be able to diminish the non-sex thoughts that are going through your mind when you are making love.

Additionally, you might find certain songs or items (like candles or incense) will help create more of a lovemaking mood which will help you maintain focus on the intimacy of the moment.

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