Michael-

My fiance and I are getting married soon, and we are one of those odd throwbacks who actually have saved sex for marriage. As a result, we'll soon have two weeks to do nothing but explore each other and "get used" to sex! I know that how much it hurts a woman the first time varies based on her, I've gotten advice all over the map, from "you'll be fine and it'll be great 30 seconds after he enters you the first time" to "don't expect your honeymoon to have good sex at all," but do you have any advice for first-timers to make our honeymoon more enjoyable? Anything that might be easier or fun if I'm sore, or things that are fun even while still slightly shy, or just fun, simple things for those of us who don't quite have the mechanics down pat?

And just to clarify, we are not stereotypical prudes who are scared of sex or hate sex. We both had personal reasons for waiting, but we are both very physical people and cannot wait to spend two weeks doing a lot of exploring each other! So no need to calm me down or reassure me, I'm looking forward to this! :)



Dear ______ -

First I want to congratulate you on reserving sex for marriage. What a wonderful gift that you can give each other. I have never heard of anyone regretting that decision if they truly knew the person they were marrying.

Your friends are right. Honeymoon sex often is a let-down if you
go into it with fanciful dreams.  Its awkward as both of you are
learning the best ways to please each other. It can be frustrating as things can happen way too quickly or not at all with the nervous tension. And it can be quite painful for women the first time or two. In fact, there is a small percentage of women who need help from a doctor to puncture their hymen.

Now that I've given you the bad news, the wonderful news is that
it will be fresh and exciting and your body will feel pleasures it never had before. For some people it is such a wonderful experience that they barely make it outside the hotel room.

Soaking in a hot tub or hot bath and having an alcoholic drink will help relax you and your muscles to help reduce/remove the pain that *might* happen with the first penetration.  You might want to be on top so you can control the pressure. You definitely dont want to feel like you are being raped.

Also, extended foreplay (30 or more minutes) will prepare you
physically for the first time.

If you find you are sore and want to engage in other acts, order up a platter of fresh tropical fruits and have lots of funs squirting, squeezing, licking and sucking. And then you can shower each other off.
 

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Reader Feedback

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It is a WONDERFUL thing that this couple has waited to be married first before being together sexually. They need to remember it is a long marathon not a fast sprint that is over quickly. Enjoy the feelings then take it slow & enjoy each other one step at a time. Learn together what turns them on together. Because marriage "is" the last partner you will be with.

Get her to know and learn what makes you enjoy this new sexual feelings. Remember that sex feels mostly the same with every other woman. Your not out by any means having to explore like I & most everyone has.

Sex is designed to draw two together mentally & physically. It is hard to let go of that person when you split. Yeah the "make-up" sex etc is just not worth it. Being sexual with a partner bonds you very differently, tough to split. Person gets calloused to "humping then dumping" in the end. STD's we all know the stories and risks.

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Congratulations! Both on your wedding and on having saved yourselves for each other!

My wife and I did the same thing and, after ten years, we've never regretted it. It sounds like we're very similar in some ways. We saved ourselves for marriage because of religious reasons...CERTAINLY not because we were prudes or ashamed of sex. Of course before marriage we were always very affectionate with each other (holding hands, kissing, etc.) We had a wonderful first-night and week-long honeymoon even though we weren't able to manage penetration for the first couple days. I remember feeling both very excited and very concerned about how much it would hurt for her. We took our time. I let her guide me on how hard to push until the third night she finally said "just do it!" and it happened.

We certainly weren't without plenty to do during those first couple days/nights. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves with each other.

One thing I'm really glad about is that we were able to become "experienced" with each other. There has never been the opportunity to compare with past partners because there weren't any.

Enjoy!

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This is wonderful to know that even today people are willing to wait till their wedding to make love. My first time was with the guy who is now my husband and am more than happy to have waited for the right person.

You must not think about: "Oh my God here he comes.." Just relax and enjoy THE moment. Kiss, caress, cuddle, have oral sex before, have a drink, take a bath together and forget about the whole pain thing. Am sure you will enjoy the experience.

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