Dear Michael -

I just have a question, is there any particular time to have sex. some say we can have sex after the cycle and also before the cycle. So if we have sex during those days then my girlfriend will not get pregnant. How true is it?

Dear Anonymous -

Joke:  What do you call couples who use the rhythm method (having sex only during certain parts of a woman's cycle)?  Answer:  Parents!

While it is indeed much more difficult to get pregnant during certain parts of a woman's menstrual cycle, there are reported cases of women becoming pregnant at EVERY part of the cycle.

So, if you don't want to get pregnant, then don't have sex without birth control.  And realize that no birth control is 100% safe. 

And if you aren't financially, emotionally, and physically mature enough to be getting married, then you probably shouldn't be having sex quite yet.  That's not being "small minded" or "prudish".  I certainly don't think my 8 year old son should be having intercourse and I think everyone would agree with me there even though he is physically capable of doing so.  Sex is part of a much bigger package of love, intimacy, commitment, faithfulness, and yes, even having a family.   Apart from that, you are playing with fire.

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Reader's responses:

I had just had a baby with colic, 9 months previous, and didn't want to get pregnant again. I was on birth control pills for 1 month, was using condoms, and went to get fitted with an IUD. They had to test me for pregnancy just to make sure. Only to find out I was pregnant! I had another healthy baby, through birth control pills and a condom! Don't do it if you don't want a baby!

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I am Catholic and have been taught the natural family planning methods by my church. We followed the techniques very exactly (even taking temperatures).  We have 6 children - none of them planned!  We now use condoms although we certainly dont tell anyone at church. 

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Michael, your answer to the party with the question about "when"
in relation to beginning or end of cycle is lacking. Natural family
planning is both an "art" and a "science." Parties adequately taught
the method and who practice accordingly can expect success to about the
same level as those who use oral contraceptives. The method I refer
to is the "sympto thermal" method which involves taking and recording
basal temperatures in the morning, and also taking note of the
presence of or lack of mucus (and quality of same) in the female
genital areas. From this information, it can be determined when
intercourse would likely not result in a pregnancy, or to the
contrary, when it would.

This is obviously not for everyone, but for those who for whatever
the reason do not want to use oral contraceptives, (or any
contraceptives), it is very reliable. If the party that asked the
question are high school aged persons, your answer makes much
more sense, if they were just looking for some "rule of thumb."

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First, and not part of my response: You are going to get sooooo much angry mail about your response to this person. Just my guess. I'm a Catholic who recently came to disagree with the Church on the issue of birth control, and man do people get angry about those who say it doesn't work. I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it. Good luck, it's not fun :P

OK, on to answer.

You can use a method called "Natural Family Planning" (NFP) to avoid getting pregnant. It involves the woman charting the signs of her body (waking temperature, cervical mucas, etc) to determine when she is fertile. When she is fertile, you do not have sex. When she is not, you can.

There are cases of women getting pregnant while their body says they are absolutely not fertile, but they are not much more common than women getting pregnant while on the pill. The reason NFP so often does not work is that it is hard! It takes a lot of self-control to not have sex for many days each month. There are "fringe" days, when you are probably not fertile but could be, and when couples have been using the method for awhile they often start edging over and using these days...and become pregnant.

In short, if both you and your partner have extremely good self-control and are very dedicated, you could use this method. If not, it is not for you.

If you would like more information on NFP, the best way to get it would be to contact your local Catholic Church, or look for Catholic resources online. Most parishes will have an NFP class for newlyweds, or whoever. Most of the people who use NFP are Catholic, since it is such a hard method, but the only one the Church allows for regulating births.

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