How to Cyber Sex: Need Cyber Sex Tips?

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Dear Lovemaking Answers - Thanks for your good job helping couples love each other better. I appreciate your advice and resources. My wife and I are currently (temporarily) separated due to medical issues related to our youngest daughter. We are apart for several months and missing our regular times of physical intimacy. We are probably going to try "cyber-sex" via Skype. I already know some things I would like to ask her to do during that time, but she is feeling weird (but willing) about this. What can I do/say during this time that will make her feel special and more comfortable? She is going to have a difficult time directing me herself, so any ideas you have would be appreciated. - Nervous about Cyber Sex Dear Nervous About Cyber Sex It's very refreshing to see that you both know, even though separated by the medial issues of your daughter, how important it is to keep your relationship close. We've put together a great book on DIRTY TALK that has many suggestions to start the dialogue rolling and will help with phone sex. If you have web cam capability on your computers, you can take it a step further with the "visual" dimension of your encounters. Watching each other as you talk and masturbate together. It's great that she's willing to participate with you. Let her know how much that means to you and even though you may have to start the ball rolling and do the majority of talking for the first encounter or two, it gets easier and more intimate every time you participate in great phone sex. TiKi .............. One great way to help this whole thing of "cybersex" to work for the both of you is if you have a webcam. Many laptops are coming with a webcam as part of the software included. If you don't have one, you can buy them at Walmart or RadioShack. In either case, specify what type of computer you have and you should get one that works best for you. I haven't known too many women who are willing to cyber for one simple reason: self image (or lack of it). That confidence that no matter what people say, they aren't going to be down about it doesn't work for every woman. So, I often suggest that they use a webcam so that they can see for themselves that they look good. And beyond that, if she's talking to you and you can both see each other, it becomes much easier to let loose of self-consciousness and let those fingers fly across the keyboards. ~Norm M.~ ............. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your daughter's health problems and pray she's better very soon. Thankfully, you and your wife both still feel it necessary to keep some of the intimate times between you happening. Otherwise, one or both of you might feel like meeting that need alone or with another person outside your marriage. It's great to hear that your wife is interested and willing to participate in your suggestion. I am not familiar enough with skype to know if it's completely private for this kind of use or not. If you were to find out that it's not the option you were hoping for, you could also try phone sex. It's difficult for some to 'talk' and accommodate the other spouse when first beginning this type of intimacy, but with some practice, I'm sure you will both enjoy the closeness you are able to feel while being apart. Maybe you could begin by writing some descriptive mood setting letters/emails to one another and read it to each other when you're hoping to be intimate over the phone or skype. Or, one of you could write out a romantic story involving you both and you could act it out while you're 'together'. I would also suggest that maybe you send her something physical, like your cologne, or a favorite tshirt of yours with your cologne sprayed onto it for her to wear during your fun time, scented candle, flowers etc. Anything that you might normally do to woo her romance would indeed help her feel closer to you. This might also be a great time to begin a nightly devotion with your wife. There are some wonderful Christian authors who have daily devotion books geared towards intimacy with your spouse. If each of you had a copy and took turns reading it over the phone to one another each night, it might draw you even closer together though you're miles apart. I hope you both find a special way to enjoy your time 'together'. - Roxanne ************************************ READER'S RESPONSES: I just wanted to say that I think it is awesome that you care enough about your wife to want to do cyber-s.ex. My husband goes overseas a lot. We have learned cyber-s.ex is a wonderful way to relieve the tension that is built up over time by being separated but also gives us something to look forward to when he returns. For us the connection is not always that good and sometimes we lose it right in the middle but that has not deterred us from trying. As for the how she views herself, I myself have not in the past had a great view of my body but have learned to love my body as my husband loves me just the way I am. He assures me he desires to see me as I really am. You know warts and all per se. I love to see him get excited when he sees me via skype. Give her lots of encouragement and she will come around. I did. I hope this helps you and your wife in your endeavor to continue intimacy across the miles. Best Wishes, Someone who has been there. =

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