Dear Michael -

I've been subscribing to and enjoying your newsletters for several months now, and my faith in your advice has grown to much respect. And now, I would love your input, if you wouldnt mind (and i dont mind you publishing it).

I seem to have a problem that i can never find anything written about in books or on the web. Most places I find info about men
who prematurely ejaculate, but my problem seems to be just the opposite. I last WAAYY too long for my partners. In almost 20 years, and several partners, all of them have loved that I can last and keep up with them forever, but the longer relationships have suffered because sex becomes a bit of a sore spot. There is no such thing as a quickie! I freely admit that I masturbate about once a day (even at 35). I do watch or view some pornography, but I have a very high sex drive. I cant find any info about how to finish faster!!!

Can you please help!

- C.
 

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Dear C.

I am glad you were very honest about your sexual habits. Frequent masturbation can be a chief cause of premature ejaculation as many men train their bodies at a young age to come as quickly as possible (usually so they dont get caught).

But porn and masturbation can also have the other effect on you - prolonged ejaculation when it comes to real life sex. The reason is that you have trained your mind and body to get excited by porn and the sexual fantasies in your mind while you masturbate. Reality simply can't compete with the gorgeous, perfect bodies, lighting and situations in professional porn and what we can think of in our minds.  So, when you are naked with someone and in the act, your penis is demanding something "better" for it come to orgasm.

This is somewhat like feeding a dog tasty people food from the dining room table. It is flavorful and yummy. After a while, the dog won't go near the dog food as it craves the scraps we give it, although dog food is really the best for it.

What you need to do is to cut back on the porn and the masturbation. Try not having any fantasies going on in your mind while you masturbate. Instead, focus on the feeling. As your hand moves up and down your shaft feel the excitement on every inch. Notice your pubic hair and the ridges. Allow yourself to enjoy the pleasure of the friction. Notice the feeling that is happening to your testicles. Focus, focus, focus on the energy churning in your loins. Allow yourself to enjoy what your body is feeling. This will put you much closer to reality and eventually you will be able to cum faster on that pleasure instead of relying on mind fantasies in order to be able to come.

Another thing you can do is to involve your beloved in your masturbation fantasies. In time that will help you reach orgasm faster when you are with her.