Dear Michael -

I'm a healthy, active 21 year old female who is getting frustrated with my body. I've never orgasmed ever. Sex is not pleasurable for me at all (not painful, I just get hardly anything from it) the older I get. I've been sexually active since I was 17 and was the most sensitive back when I was in high school. I'm in a wonderful relationship now with the guy I hope to marry and he has been very patient and willing to try to fix this little problem of mine. I don't know where to even start to fix this. I don't get horny anymore, its gotten hard to turn me on, and I'm afraid that my partner will at some point get discouraged. My brain wants so badly for me to be how I was in high school. I've even tried playing with myself (which I have never had much luck with) and my g-spot seems to have "disappeared", no sensations, no pleasure. Please, do you have any advice on how to return me to a normal state so I can enjoy my sex life?

Frustrated & Confused, NC

Dear Frustrated and Confused -

I am so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately there are many possible reasons this is happening to you.

Here are some reasons and some possible solutions:

1. You are in that 10% of women who NEVER achieve orgasm.

2. You have not discovered yet the trigger(s) to bring your body to orgasm.  Toys (especially vibrating ones), hands, lubricants, fingers and patience will help you learn how to truly pleasure yourself.  Until you can do that, it is unlikely that you can teach your man how to do it.

3. You could be using the wrong position.  Missionary style (woman on bottom) is typically one of the least likely to bring you to orgasm.  Woman on top and doggie style (with your face down and rear end up) typically have more clitoral stimulation.

4. You might have emotional/psychological issues with having sexual pleasure due to past events or things you were taught. 

5. You might be distracted. Many women need lots of focus to orgasm.  Have some wine, light some candles, put on some romantic music and focus on the touch, feel and pleasure.

6. Sounds like you have been promiscuous (most likely sleeping with several who have slept with several) and very well could have a sexually transmitted disease (over 25% of females do). You might want to see a doctor about that.  It could have implications how you are feeling.

7. Your hormones could be out of whack and that would account for your lack of libido. A doctor could check that out.

8. You are on medications that are lowering your sex drive (many do - especially anti-depressants and some birth control pills)

9. You aren't trying long enough.  It can take some women 20-30 or more minutes to reach climax.

10. Some women can only orgasm via cunnilingus (oral sex). Bad cunnilingus will not help.  A guy really needs to know what he is doing to make a woman come.  Click here for some tips on how to eat pussy (pardon the slang).

Reader's responses:

I just read that young lady's letter about not having orgasmed...ever.
Gawd, what a bummer! ! !
You mentioned Missionary style....I know you already know about this but just a suggestion to the lady....
maybe put a pillow under her backside and have him hold her ankles waaay up over her head and he can either lean back a little or lower himself slightly to bring his "head" more into contact with Ms. G.....I know, it' seems to be very cramped for the woman but in my experience "she" LOVES " it.....and maybe take his WET thumb or finger and carress her clit at the same time.
Please know that I would NEVER disrespect my wife or embarrass her....(and this would probably embarrass her but it is for a good cause and I think she'll understand)....but with this position, I have the pleasure of bringing her to multiple orgasms more often than not......until she starts playing with my nipples......then it's ALL over.
-OR-
if he's into it....he can perform the most wonderful way to say " I love you "......cunnilingus.
ever so slowly, carefully, and with his WHOLE HEART....I've found that when I put my heart into it, the whole experience is far more wonderful than normal.
Ummm....normal being that at 52 years old not everything works the same way that it did at 19...gotta capitalize on it when I can.....Damn good thing I have a tongue....ya know what I mean??
And THANK GOD that my new wife (16 mo.s) is a patient lady.

 Michael keep up the good work with this publication....I love seeing it in my email. In my opinion, a man can never, ever learn too much or too many ways to please his lady in bed.

Sincerely,
Dave