Why Do Men Watch Porn After of Instead of Sex?

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Dear Lovemaking Answers - Recently after great sex in the living room, I fell asleep and woke up to find my husband watching porn on cable. He turned it off as soon as he realized I was awake and denied watching it. Then he admitted he frequently watches late night porn. But why after sex? He agreed the sex was great and shrugged his shoulders as to why. I kept calm so I could think it over, but I was shocked that I didn't know he's been watching this for years and to find him so engrossed after sex. Am I wrong to feel upset and that I somehow wasn't enough for him? When women find out their boyfriends or husband are addicted to porn, they often feel it's their fault. It isn't. No more than it would be your fault if he was an alcoholic or drug addict. Pornography addition is as real an addiction as any other. Many men use it from their teen years up and find no need to stop once they have a partner, often they rationalize that it's o.k. for them to do because she would never want it as much as he needs it, so he takes matters into his own hands when needed. They also feel that it provides them with sex that has no strings attached... no performance issues, no stress, no time constraints and no intimacy after. How you react when he does open up and share this information with you can lay the ground work for whether he continues to share with you, or whether he just works harder to cover his tracks. Letting him know that you love him and want to fill his every sexual need helps, but he also may need to talk with someone if it puts a strain on your marriage. - TiKi ..................... I think you have every reason to feel hurt and upset. Women want to feel desirable to their spouses, and that they are enough for their man. When we find them watching porn, especially without our knowledge, it really takes us off guard and causes any insecurities we may have to raise their ugly heads. Many men develop an addiction to porn. Many tell themselves and their wives that it has nothing to do with their sex lives with their wives, that the porn is completely separate from their sex life. Men are able to compartmentalize their sex lives from their 'love' lives in a way women can't. That is why many men, when they are caught in an affair say, "It was only sex. I still love you." Women are wired to equate the two, sex is love and by watching and taking pleasure in someone else's sex life is a betrayal of their own intimacy. You said your husband just shrugged his shoulders when asked about why he watched porn. Has he made any changes since then? DId you tell him how much it hurt you? If he doesn't know how much it hurts you, he may think you are ok with him watching it. Now is the time to lay boundaries, so he knows what you are comfortable with. On a practical level though, I would cancel the cable you currently have and either have none or just basic cable. Of course there are other ways he can access porn - Internet and movies. But if he does that, then you know you are dealing with an addiction and that needs to be dealt with separately. It was good that you remained calm, but it is also important that you express your disappointment at a time when you can both sit down and be frank with each other. He may never 'get' it, he may never understand why you view porn as an invasion on your sex life, because again, in his mind he is able to (or thinks he is able to) separate the two. However, as your husband he should respect your wishes to keep porn out of your lives. It takes time to build trust back again too. Even if you get rid of the cable channels, he can get online. You don't want to be a snoop and mistrustful, but you should have access to his computer (at home, work is a different beast). That doesn't mean you should check his every move on the internet, but in order for a marriage to sustain itself, there should be total transparency, and honesty. Cori ************************************ READER'S RESPONSES:

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