Dear Michael -

Please help. My marriage of 3 years is in turmoil. My husband has been using porn for his own reasons and all I get is "it's not you - its me".

I have caught him twice. He has cost us just under $500 in mobile internet browsing. He tells me he is glad he got caught he hated doing it to our marriage but couldn't stop. I hate porn it does not a thing for my self esteem and makes my husband a sneaky sly fox. How can we move on from this?

- M

Dear M -

First, your husband is not sleazy. It is a simple addiction that many men fall into (up to 25 million in the U.S. view up to 10 hours of internet porn each week). I'm pretty sure he is honest when he says he's glad he got caught and can hopefully move on.

What you need to do is help him by putting on very good filters on your computers. I'd put on the ones that will email you all the websites he goes to. That will help him a great deal with his struggle. Make sure his work computer has the same. If he is doing this with his phone then you need to find a way to put blocks on that. If needed, he needs to switch to a phone that can not get the Internet.

Don't be mad at your husband. Have pity on him. He is hurting and struggling and most likely it has nothing to do with you. It is very natural for a man to want to view images of women. You need to be loving but concerned for him and help him to overcome this.

Depending on how bad his addiction is, he might need to go to some sort of addiction support group.

A fulfilling sex life will never guarantee a man will not get sucked up in porn, but it will make it less likely that he will have unfulfilled urges.  Perhaps there are some things you could do in the bedroom (or outside) that will spice things up and longing for more adventures with you instead of searching online for momentary satisfaction.

For a more in-depth look into the subject of Internet Porn Addiction, check out this resource - Ending Internet Porn Addiction

Reader's responses:

I have never had to personally face this before, but the movie Fireproof was excellent! I feel that it could possibly help someone who's struggling with putting temptations first above their marriage to be able to put things into proper perspective. It was a very inspiring movie and I think everyone would come away from this video with a desire to improve their marriage in some way. There's a book called Love Dares that goes along with the video. I hope this suggestion could help the couple in some way.

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There is a site called xxx church .com that he can have a link put on his phone and computer that links him to accountability partners so if he really wants to end his addiction it notifies the partners when he is looking at a porn sight. It is a great sight that deals with this addiction.