Dear Michael -

I recently found out that I am pregnant, and as my partner and I am getting ready for the baby, we are also excited that now we don't have to use birth control anymore. However, as I'm in my first trimester, I've noticed that being tired easily and feeling nauseous all the times doesn't exactly put me in the mood. Sometimes it even hurts to have sex. I am typically very sexual, and so this change is hard for me to adjust to...any recommendations for how I can help get myself to feel more interested and excited like I used to?

Thanks!

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous -

For most women, the first trimester is the one that hits you like a load of bricks.  There is fatigue, nausea and in some cases, confusion and bewilderment.

The good news is that the 2nd trimester is usually the golden one in term of energy, stamina and yes, even sexual desire.  Since you aren't worried about getting pregnant the mind can fully engage in the beauty and pleasure of intimacy and intercourse.  Many women report having the best sex of their lives during months 4 - 6. 

In the third trimester some of the fatigue comes back as the woman is dealing with lugging around all that extra weight all day and there can be swelling and general aches and pains.

Typically, men will get quite excited about your new body shape and making love to the woman about to give birth to his son or daughter.  And yes, in the latest stages of pregnancy orgasms can actually trigger labor. 

READER'S RESPONSES:

I just recently gave birth to my second child. I wanted to add a couple of things to your response. During the first pregnancy I was very se.xual and during months 4-6 I couldn't get enough. The birth was a nice one but I tore and had many stitches. Intimacy after that was painful and difficult as I was given that extra stitch without my knowledge and healed too tightly and had a lot of scar tissue.

With this second pregnancy things were still painful even though they were three years apart. I didn't get that overwhelmingly sexy feeling like I did the first time. The second birth was fantastic and the recovery was quick and easy with no stitches. Intimacy now is OUTSTANDING! It seems everything went back to normal. Almost like before we had kids.

The reason I add this is to make sure if things don't go as everyone claims-that it's better months 4-6, or if the birth is a little physically traumatizing and the recovery difficult, there is still hope! I have heard so many sad stories from women who were never told of the possible side effects after childbirth and the "husband's knot" or thought they were abnormal because they didn't get that se.xual urge/peak during those months.

Also, kegels are so important even during pregnancy! During my first pregnancy I would find myself being VERY turned on after a couple sets of kegels. The rush of blood to the area as well as the rythmic stimulation really did something down there! As long as she communicates her feelings I think she'll be fine no matter what month of her pregnancy or recovery situation!

Signed,
Been there, didn't want to do that!