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Dear Michael -
Dear Anonymous -
Growing up, it was pretty common knowledge (or at least stereotype) that "black men don't go down". In fact, several of my black friends would really make fun of the whole concept of white men doing that.
So, I do not think he is making it up. As for the reason why black men as a culture find cunnilingus distasteful (whereas lots of white guys enjoy it) I simply do not know.
As far as I know, black women really enjoy receiving cunnilingus.
Can anyone share any light to this phenomenon?
I was encouraged to both read and reply to your post by a
female African American friend, to provide at least one more perspective
from that of a black male.
Those things aside, for anyone to characterize a personal preference as that of a condition affecting an entire race or culture is at best unrealistic. Even if the entire race of Jamaican black men decided not to go down tomorrow, a better question for your husband would be why he personally is unwilling to give you something that you obviously desire. I’m no psychologist, but I think if you can get beyond the generic answer being provided and have him personalize the issue as it relates to the two of you, you may be able to overcome it if your husband is the type of person who desires to please his wife.
Before sitting down to respond I polled 5 of my black male friends (even though I knew the answers from conversations had in the past) to find out if they “performed cunnilingus” (I might’ve termed it a little differently), how they were introduced to it and at what stage in their sexual experience they began performing. First, all of them go down and enjoy it. One of them even expressed why he enjoyed it so much and confessed to ejaculating while “giving his woman head without being otherwise stimulated.” Three of them were 1st exposed to the idea of cunnilingus via pornography and eventually tried it when the opportunity presented itself, while two others were taught by women/girls they were involved with (one black and one white). All except one began going down in their teens, while the other was 22 before doing so.
Personally, I want my sexual partner to be pleased as much as I want her to please me. If that means trying something that I have not been exposed to in the name of her experiencing the ecstasy she desires, I’m all for it as long as it isn’t overly painful or demeaning.
In closing, experience has taught me the wisdom of my
father’s friend’s words, “show me a man who is ‘unwilling to please his
woman’ and I’ll show you a woman I can take!” While I now realize that
remark is not relegated to sexual satisfaction, as a black man, I fully
understand that the women in our sexual lives have needs and requirements
that span the realm of sensuality and sexuality. If we don’t tend to them,
someone else will.
Shatter the myth.
Well, maybe Jamaican men make their own dinner too . . . .
I'm not sure you can lump all black men together. The man in my life is black and he is very skilled at going down. So it could be a Jamaican thing and not a black thing.
I've had many, many lovers and almost all the black men I have been with have been less than eager to go down whereas 50% of the white men seemed to love it. Still dont know the reason why that is.
I think if it's in his culture, you can't do much about it.
However, I remember that I used to say I'd never go down on my man coz I
used to find it disgusting. Even when I started to date my husband to be, I
made it quite clear i'd never do it, which seemed to be ok with him. First
time he went down on me I was reluctant but God it was awesome (my first
time!)...he did it several times after and then I thought it was only fair i
return it back to him...so now i enjoy doing it for him. So, maybe you
should make him feel that way..go down on him more often and maybe he'll
change his mind.
I am Jamaican and I have only ever dated one man who would
not perform cunnilingus. There are many men in Jamaica who say they don't
and even some women who say it's nasty. I personally feel most of those men
are being somewhat selfish because they enjoy fellatio, while most of those
women probably tell themselves it's nasty because they're not going to get
it from their man anyways, but secretly wish he would do it for them.
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